Hey, hello sunshine and how have you been? How has your week been? You know there are so many different ways that we lose ourselves. Every day and if not every day, so very often we don’t realize that there are these silly things that we do which make us lose track of who we really are or what we’re doing and we end up losing ourselves in the bargain.
And what really happens is that we continuously keep believing these things, which I am going to list out in a bit, and that has a negative impact on our overall well-being. You know, we find ourselves feeling lost and anxious, sad, depressed, frustrated.
And so what are these things? I’m going to list them out. And if you feel or you find yourself subscribing to any of these toxic habits or thoughts or behaviors, please, please stop. We’re just a few days away from bidding 2024 goodbye. And so I want to share a list of these things so that we are a little more mindful in the new year.
The first one is living your life to please others. You know, most of us value the opinions of others and sometimes so much that it’s almost impossible for us to take any decision without really first worrying about what other people would think about us or our decision. We seek approval and validation from all sorts of external parties.
when really we lose sight of the things that bring joy to our lives. And if you find yourself struggling with this, take the time to re-identify the things that you want to accomplish in your life for yourself.
Do not live your life according to the deadlines or the expectations others place onto you. But keep setting small goals for yourself to achieve each day and stop breaking those promises to yourself. The second way we lose ourselves is when you begin to pick and choose the people you want to love and be compassionate with.
You know, we unconsciously, sometimes very deliberately also, we get judgmental about who is worthy and who is not worthy of receiving our love and compassion. We tend to decide who we want to extend being kind to. We go through the habits of everyone around us and decide what’s acceptable and what’s not.
And when we do that and stop being kind and respectful to people around us and never let them feel that they are worthy of our love or respect, we never give the same kindness or love to ourselves either.
The third way we lose ourselves is when we get easily offended by everything. You know, do you meet? I’m sure each one of us has that one friend or relative or maybe somebody we work with who gets easily offended by anything anyone says. And if it’s not one of those relatives or friends or a co-worker, it’s probably us. It feels like we’ve become a society that is actively looking for the negative side of everything.
Yes, I do understand that there are certain things that cannot be ignored. But what I’m really trying to say here is that the more we focus on the negative, the harder it becomes to see the positive. We get absorbed by the negative news and the stories and the gossip and the usual crooked political discussions. And if someone has a different view than we do, we are triggered.
We fail to recognize the beauty in someone else based on their religion, color, their practices, the way they dress up, the way they probably talk. And if you notice around you, discussions these days have become really aggressive. How much of anger and resentment are we all actually holding inside of us? But what if we let go of this negativity and existed within our own beliefs in peace?
And we don’t have to go screaming on top of the mountain about what’s important to us. You know, for example, if you want to make a change, even if it’s something small within the society that you’re living in, go about doing it to make the difference. You don’t have to go screaming about it.
The fourth way we lose ourselves is being our own worst enemy. You know, we assume the worst about ourselves. We keep beating ourselves up about silly mistakes, suffocating the chances of the possibility of anything positive coming out of it.
Sustaining ourselves on temporary highs, maybe from substances, other people and their attention, letting our past experiences seep in, making us feel miserable and literally we subscribe to self-loathing. Resist and reject everything and everyone who tries to help us. And when we do that, we realize that we have ourselves created the life we don’t really want.
The fifth way that we end up losing ourselves is we begin to hate ourselves for caring too much, for loving too much, for not really being authentic and acting only in accordance with what will make sense to other people. Believing that we are always alone and that we need something or someone to save us. Believing also that we are always in competition with someone and never believing that we are enough.
Isn’t that true? We all keep beating ourselves. Something goes bad, say in a relationship, we keep blaming ourselves that we loved too much, that we cared too much. We’re constantly looking at what someone else owns or has and then keep wondering why we don’t have it or what we can do to make sure that we end up looking better. I think it’s time we stopped that. I think it’s time we started believing in ourselves.
The sixth way in which we can lose ourselves is when we never read books or articles to give our brain that food that we need. What are we doing these days? We keep staring at screens which have taken up most of our time. Phone screens, computer screens, TV screens. And not only are these bad for our vision, it’s also bad for our brain. We’re looking at these screens but are we really engaged in what we say?
Sometimes if we really notice what we’re doing, you’ll realize that all we’re really doing is mindlessly scrolling through our Instagram reels before we go to bed. Or sometimes, even if we’re just having lunch or we’re just sitting alone, notice, the first thing you’ll do is pick up the phone to scroll through those reels. And this is what’s making it more difficult for us to focus. And so many of the people today are acknowledging the fact that they need a break from social media.
And what we really need to do is maybe take some time out to read about things that interest us. Begin with picking up a book that is maybe light so that you break into the habit of reading. You know, learning new things or reading different perspectives on a topic that’s important to us is a great way to keep ourselves or our brains more stimulated.
Take a step back from the phone and pick up that book that you’ve been meaning to read. Believe me, you’re going to thank yourself later for it and you will never regret that decision. The seventh way that we sometimes end up losing ourselves. Sometimes we’re fine but then sometimes we’re probably not fine and it’s okay to talk about it. Which means we need to stop bottling up our feelings.
We need to stop stuffing our feelings deep down inside ourselves and get them out of our mind. Do whatever it takes. Journal, meditate, practice breath work but most importantly speak about your feelings and what you think might be causing them. Talk to your friends or your spouse and if you don’t want to talk to anyone just head to a therapist that you can feel comfortable talking about all of these things to. But be honest with them and yourself.
You know, we’ve become so used to pushing our feelings aside and ignoring them that we’re far too busy to deal with emotions. And what really happens that in the long run, this ends up hurting us. Over time, these emotions that go unaddressed can trigger anxiety or some level of depression. And sometimes we need that extra year and shoulder to lean on. And that’s perfectly okay.
Remember, we all are walking each other home. We’re all here to help each other in this journey called life. Now these are a few things that I listed that make us our own worst enemies. And what we can do is that we can try to focus more on what matters to us rather than the opinions of others. Look for the positives around us.
Get some fresh air, step out, exercise, meet people. Maybe get ourselves involved in some charity work or activity. Join a club of some sort. Practice more kindness with ourselves. Listen to our body and figure out what it really needs. Stop and feel our emotions. Allow yourselves to process what is really happening.
And if required, take a break. If you feel on a certain day that you need to switch off from everything and everybody, go ahead, do it. But address them appropriately. Address your emotions appropriately. Continue to ignite that light inside of you. And remember, just a few more days for 2024 to come to an end. Don’t carry any of these negative habits into 2025.
We will speak to you again in the new year now and we wish each one of you a very happy new year. Take good care of yourselves and so much love to each one of you. Bye for now.
