What is it about heartbreaks, betrayals and, letting go and closure?
What is it that makes it so difficult to get a closure or to let go of someone after a heartbreak or betrayal?
I am sure each one of us has felt a massive heartbreak, a rupture at some point in our life. It may have been a break up, a long beautiful friendship gone bitter, a betrayal of some sort and sometimes it becomes a part of our identity. And we do want to heal but do we recover completely because sometimes it seeps into every aspect of our life.
What happens in a relationship or any partnership is that we begin to have dreams, hopes in the people we are with. We sometimes seek validation in different forms from them. Our self-worth is determined by how much we are welcomed into their lives. We invest in them and sometimes we tend to ignore all the red flags we see in the hope that it will be different with us somehow. We start giving our power away to them. We are happy with their evaluation of us. I have known of people who celebrate the bare minimum effort coming their way.
But today I want to ask you. Do you really need them to give you the closure you need?
Do you really feel you will be able to move on only if you get that “sorry “?
Do you really feel that its that its so important that you won’t be able to pick yourself up and move on?
So, let me tell you sometimes you need to get that closure on your own. You know how you felt and you know it wasn’t a good feeling you don’t need that person to validate what you felt. First acknowledge it affected you, feel the pain, don’t let the pain define you, decide to move on.
Healing is not an overnight process so it’s ok to allow yourself to feel everything. It’s ok to be sad and miserable because something you wanted has come to an end.
Take your time to grieve – healing takes time.
And the first step is to actually showing all that love and compassion to yourself.
Keep a list of all the reasons you needed to let go and keep it with you as a reminder.
Forgive yourself for holding on until the time you did. It just means that you had hope and were willing to give it more time and more of yourself.
Don’t blame yourself – give yourself permission to acknowledge what happened but promise yourself you won’t go back to what broke you. And understand that nothing different you could have done would have saved it or salvaged the situation.
Stop apologising and walk away. When giving them love is hurting your love for yourself it’s time to say goodbye.
Love yourself and don’t be afraid to open your heart again. Wonderful things do happen when you let go and let life happen.
